Fat Clown  to Triathalon

Lose the Weight and Get In Shape

by Steve “Salty” Kissell

 

 

Let me begin this article by telling you that I’m not a doctor but I have played one in a clown skit before!   This past February I had the honor to teach and perform at ComediFest in Portland, Oregon (www.ComediFest.com).  After I took my luggage to my room via the elevator I decided that I would walk up and down the stairs the entire weekend.  This really winded me as my floor was several flights up.  I then got the idea I should do this more often because at the tender age of 47 (I would be 48 but I was sick a year) I found myself out of breath, out of shape and out of performing energy.  I weighed 250 lbs on a 6' frame and that was way too much. 

I placed myself on a modified Atkins diet. (As you know he died recently.  The papers said he fell but we all know he died from his diet!)  By modified I mean I did eat some carbs like spaghetti and bread, but not much, and there is no way I’m giving up fruits and vegetables. 

I began my journey as Ghandi said “the longest journey begins with the first step.”  And so I began walking wherever I went and I walked as much as I could.  Something as simple as parking the car at the furthest space away from the store.  I also began to ride my bike for nearby errands.  I do live near the ocean and I do love to swim so I began to swim. 

At this point I felt a little like Forest Gump and yet I was unmotivated but feeling better.  I gave up all sugars and sadly, turned away from daily Mt. Dews (aka red-necks cappuccino).  I was up to drinking 3 Mt Dew’s a day and that my friends in a lot of sugar and caffeine.  I felt so much better weaning myself away from sugar, caffeine and most carbs and the weight began to fall off.  I still needed more motivation.  I needed a goal.  I needed a carrot . . and a Krispy Kreme donut!   I read an article about triathlons where the participant would complete three separate events in a limited amount of time, and knew this would interest a fellow like me.   I signed up for the Breezy Pt Triathlons in Norfolk, VA.  It consisted of half mile ocean swim followed by a fourteen mile bike ride and a three mile run.  My family and friends thought I was nuts.  Of course, they thought that before I entered so I don’t know what they used as a measurement! 

I stepped up the training in each category and talked to others to had done triathalons and gained advice from them.   Three and half months later and thirty pounds lighter I competed in the category of ‘Clydesdale” that means over forty years old and over 200 pounds.  I finished last.  But I finished!  In 2 hours and 12 minutes.  The water was a bit choppy with 40 mph winds so there were many who did not complete the swim as they had trained in a pool and I trained in open sea water to prepare myself. 

It was an incredible journey and my family was a tremendous help with their network.  When I woke up the day of the event I discovered my girls had placed motivating Bible scripture throughout the house.  It was a cold and rainy day and my whole family was there.  Since my journey began I have had so much more performing energy and also a fresh outlook on life.  When something seems challenging I just say to myself “I swam, I biked, I ran . . . I can do anything!”  And so my entertaining friends so can you. 

You know that in the clowning world there seems to be an unusual number of us that lead sedentary lifestyles.  This does not have to be so.  You will be a much healthier, happier and enthusiastic performer by exercising, eating better and living longer.  The real secret to weight loss is this . . . it is the hardest thing and yet it is the easiest thing and that is W-A-T-E-R!   Doctors will tell us that we need to drink eight glasses a day.  No, coffee is not water, water is water.  However, heavier people need to drink more water.  So here is a couple of tips for you that will help you.

Eat your breakfast.  Coffee alone is not breakfast.

Don’t skip meals.  Rather eat smaller portions three to four times a day.

Exercise at least thirty minutes a day.  Even if you have to start out with just 5 minutes several times a day and work your way to more minutes less often.

Drink lots of water.